And Pam Anderson's boobs are fake, too

Apparently Britney may have messed up one of her "comeback" shows. People were apparently shocked, *shocked* that Britney wasn't really singing and booed her. Are these people like the dumbest people alive? Does anyone go to a Britney Spears show expecting her to sing? These are probably the same people freaking out because Ashlee Simpson dared to fake it on SNL. I'm a huge fan of shitty pop music, I'm not gonna lie. But at least I know that most of what I hear is brought to me by the magic of digital....

Speaking of shitty music, I can't handle the rap song where the guy just keeps saying "this is why I'm hot." Does he ever get around to saying why he's hot? I can't make it that far along in the song to find out. I'd sort of like to know why he's hot (it sure as hell isn't the crap he calls a song). Or is he really just being coy, keeping people wondering why he's hot? If so, it's working, since I want to know why he's hot.

I recently saw on E! News that shorts are the hot trend of the summer. Isn't that kind of like saying that coats are a trend during the winter? Is it a trend if it's a staple? Sure, you can have a more specific trend - the bermuda short, for example. But as I recall, the story featured long shorts, short shorts, pretty much all kinds of shorts. This is not a trend.

Happy Birthday!

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 28 and totally forgot it was my birthday until the fiance called early in the a.m. At first I was wondering why he was calling me so early, and then I realized that it was my birthday. I've never been huge on birthdays; don't know why. I actually quite like getting older because it seems to bring more confidence and a sense of . . . hell, I don't know. Goodness... I think I was about 30 when I was 20, so maybe I just feel like I'm finally catching up. Although I don't generally celebrate my birthday, my future in-laws, family and co-workers made it an awesome day. Long story short, they saved my awesome registry dishes from discontinuance purgatory. And the co-workers filled me with cookies and cupcakes. Awesome.

Today we took a field trip to a historical Shaker village. I couldn't quite do the whole tour. I mean, do I need 45 minutes of tour to know that the Shakers didn't have sex and clearly did not believe in comfortable furniture? Maybe that's why there's only three Shakers left in the United States. I tried to watch the informational video, but I couldn't sit on the bench for that long. I hate to complain (wait, no I don't; I love to complain), but assless people like me can only sit on a hard bench for so long. I guess I should have thought to bring a hemorrhoid donut or something.

I keep seeing these commercials for people who were rejected by eHarmony.com. It sort of makes me wonder if I would be rejected. Or what kind of man the all mighty algorithm would do with someone who's pretty smart, talks like she was raised in a Dallas mall, and who can shake a room with a good burp. Not that I'm looking (clearly), but I just wonder what it takes to get rejected. From an online dating site. Is that like someone saying that you're incapable of being a match for anyone? Ouch. That would sting.

Today's random thoughts

"Real women have curves." Not all real women. Just the curvy ones. I realize that women are fed totally contradictory messages about their weight ("Love yourself! But losing a few pounds never hurt!"), but is constant trashing of small women really necessary? Oh yeah, and people really should know that when stores come out with size 00 (leading inevitably to a media freak out about all of us anorexics), those stores have, in all likelihood, just taken every other size down a notch (the "new" 00 is really the old 0, and all the other sizes have gotten bigger, so that she who was a size 6, is now a size 4).

One of the side effects of a prescription sleeping pill, I'm told on the commercial, is drowsiness. Is that really a side effect? Isn't that sort of like saying that a side effect of birth control is difficulty conceiving?

I have discovered why I love my still-new-but-worn-twice-now dress. It's apparently cool enough that men feel compelled to compliment me on it. It must be special if a dude is going to actually utter the words, "I really like you dress," to a total stranger that he's not otherwise hitting on.

Tip for the day: The word "shyster" is thought of in some corners to be anti-semitic (although people apparently disagree about whether this perception is warranted). Just thought I'd put that out there to prevent anyone just tossing around that word in front of a few Jewish colleagues. Because that's not mortifying. At all. Oh wait, it's totally mortifying.

Still alive

The wireless network I've been mooching off of went away. So I am left to while away my weekends and evenings with no internet. Every wireless connection in range of my apartment requires a network key. Paranoid bastards. I put up a note by the mailboxes in my building to see if any of the tenants in the other three apartments had a network they wanted to share - I'd pay them money, they'd let me mooch. No takers. Paranoid bastards.

I'm in Austin for another wedding. And a hair appointment. Good times.

Nothing exciting has been happening. I managed to walk over 2 miles to get to a doctor appointment only to discover that the insurance company had the wrong address and that I had the wrong day. Sweating for nothing is really super-awesome. And, given my sad physical condition, my legs were sore as hell the next day. You know it's sad when you put on your heels and, all of a sudden, everything that was aching feels normal and okay.

I'm upset that the latest trend of the season is the sack, er, tunic. As a woman of slight stature, I know I don't look good in sacks. I can't imagine that any woman looks good in a sack, even if you cinch the sack. I saw some chick at the airport yesterday wearing some oversize button down, cinched with a big belt, tight capris, and four-inch platform heels. Two words for this ridiculousness: Peg Bundy. Let's forget about the fact that you're traipsing through the airport in platform heels. But you're wearing a cinched sack! It's not okay!

In other news, congrats to Chris for deciding on UT Law! Yay debt! Yay selling out! Big money no whammies!!