It will be the death of me

I don't know why I can't seem to manage my back stairs. I have managed to stumble or fall up or down the stairs several times in the past few weeks. Maybe the steps are too small or something. But if I die here, I am pretty sure I will be found at the bottom of my stairs. Or I'll go to some holler somewhere and some nutjob hillbilly will kill me. I think that's what has surprised me the most about living here. I totally thought the news would be painfully boring, which it generally is. But it seems like crazy white people from the boonies are killing each other off. Like every other night there's a story about how Bobby Jean killed Billy Ray and there's always a trailer behind the reporter who is on the scene.

So, I'm not shocked that Nicole Richie got busted drinking and driving. I am shocked that she is apparently a little over five feet tall and weighs 85 pounds. I don't even know if I could manage to get down to 85 pounds if I tried. Oh yeah, just for the record, if you see or hear her described as a "size 0," don't believe it. No way she's a size zero. We're not that small.