Come back to us, Brit!

I'm with Craig Ferguson, so I won't be mocking Britney Spears. I'll admit to loving her brand of pop music. Seriously. Don't hate (and I know you secretly sing along when "oops, I did it again" comes on). Come back, Britney!

Now on to people I will mock. Kim Jong Il's birthday was last week. The crap that comes out of the state-run media is funny until you remember that it's the result of a totalitarian regime run by a delusional midget. Here's one discussing some symposium about the man:

Pyongyang, February 14 (KCNA) -- Symposiums on the undying feats performed by Kim Jong Il were held by working people's organizations.... The speakers profoundly explained the imperishable feats performed by Kim Jong Il for the times and history, noting that his birth was a great auspicious event which opened a bright prospect before the continuity of the Juche revolutionary cause and accomplishment of the human cause of independence. They said Kim Jong Il, genius of thought and theory, scientifically formulated the revolutionary idea of President Kim Il Sung and steadily developed it in depth to meet the demand of the developing revolution, thus clearly indicating the road ahead of the times and humankind....

Hmm, those are indeed some feats. Good thing they were "profoundly explained."

The crap that comes out of DPRK reminds me of the episode of Friends where Joey discovers the thesaurus in Microsoft Word and goes to town. I wonder if it's taxing to write like that. Now, I shall profoundly explain the highlight of my weekend and my Tuesday:

The undyingly impeccable You Like Raisins bested many inferior women as she found the bargains at the boutique sale that outshone profoundly the cheap crap found by the women against whom she was competing. Her notable success at the sale once again highlighted that the majestic You Like Raisins, with her perfectly Godly straight hair, has reached the pinnacle of awesomeness and that other women have no hope of besting her in any of life's ventures. Including the pulling off of the skinny jean. Nor have the incompetent men around her fared better. It is well-accepted that the genius of You Like Raisins has had a profound effect on the development of American federal law and she single-handedly makes sense of illogical claptrap and divines a perfect solution to every case that comes before her that at once follows the established law while making it a glorious and brilliant beacon for all justice-seekers the world over.

Yeah, it is taxing to write DRPK-style.