Closing vacation thoughts

Tomorrow we depart for home. I can't wait to have a chicken sandwich. And the upgraded hotel room may not have been so free. You know how when you check in they run your credit card and some temp charge is there for a few days and then goes away? Usually those aren't for $700, right? I shall protest that I did not agree to pay an additional $700 for the privilege of staying in the superior suite. I shall be an obnoxious American if needed. I haven't wanted to drag that part of me out in Europe, but $700 is $700 and since I have negative dollars right now, it matters.

Now for my shallow observations of Europe (or at least the two places I actually went to).

The man-bag is big here and I'm a fan. I always wonder how men get by with just a wallet. And no one likes a fanny pack (okay, so a lot of people like the fanny pack, but that doesn't make it okay). I know Seinfeld tried the man-bag. I think American men should jump on this train. I tried to get my better half to jump start this trend, but I don't think he's playing along.

Speaking of Seinfeld, what the hell is up with Europeans eating burgers with knives and forks? I feel like I am in the episode with the candy bars. I want to scream at them, "Pick up the burger and eat it like a man!!"

French fries go with everything. Eggs benedict? Side of fries. Lasagne? Side of fries. Pizza? Side of fries. The people here love their fries. At least they eat them with their hands.

I could never live here because people aren't in enough of a hurry. I almost prefer fast food because it will take about an hour to get your check at a regular restaurant. And everyone walks like they're out on a stroll, which I guess a lot of them are. I am by nature something of a power walker; I don't stroll. I may not know where I am going, but I will get there fucking fast. And no one else here is in that kind of a hurry.

I could also never live here because I don't think I could ever dress like a European. You know how when you in the U.S. and you can tell that someone is from another country just by the way they dress? The subtle differences that are a tip off (usually with foreign men, this leads to the debate of is he gay or foreign?). Well, here I stand out as a boring, unadventurous, typical American woman. Which is fine with me. I think the whole effort of putting together a look that screams I carefully planned this outfit to look like I didn't plan it at all would just be too much for me.

I have seen the skinny jean at its best and worse. It seems that they only work if you have the luck (or curse, depending on your ideal of the feminine form) of having your ankles be the same size as your thighs. That's about 1% of the population. I recommend that the other 99% of us just stay away. Far away. I have seen it go terribly wrong and it ain't pretty.

Best marketing award. The restaurant in Dublin called Gruel. Irish food is nasty and that name sums it up, but is it smart to just put it out there like that?

Best potential tort liability. An establishment here called Dolphins had 2 lights hanging over the bar that doubled as fish bowls, each holding a few gallons of water. I just about peed myself when one of them crashed down onto the bar, covering the patrons sitting there with nasty fish water. No one was hurt. But if someone was, can you say lifetime supply of free weed?

Another 11 euro down the toilet. You people better comment out the ass.